Introduction to Narcissistic Abuse
Have you felt manipulated or controlled by your partner? Do they undermine your self-worth with criticism or silence? If the relationship leaves you feeling confused, depressed, anxious or doubting your own sanity, you may be experiencing narcissistic abuse.
Narcissistic abuse encompasses the various tactics and mind games narcissists use to exert dominance and rob victims of independence. The abusive patterns can be incredibly damaging to emotional and mental health. Recognizing these toxic behaviors is the first step in detaching from an abusive relationship and reclaiming your freedom.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
In order to understand narcissistic abuse, it is helpful first to review the hallmark characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which drives the abusive behavior:
- Grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement
- Preoccupation with unlimited success, power, brilliance or ideal love
- Belief they are special and can only be understood by other special people
- Requires excessive admiration
- Sense of entitlement and expectation of favorable treatment
- Takes advantage of others to achieve goals
- Lack of empathy for others’ needs and feelings
- Envious of others and believes others envy them
- Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
These dysfunctional personality traits result in narcissists feeling superior but also harboring fragile self-worth they desperately try to uphold through control tactics.
Abusive Behaviors in Narcissistic Relationships
Narcissistic relationships are a confusing mix of loving idealization, subtle devaluation, and strategic mind games. Common abusive narcissistic behaviors include:
1. Gaslighting
Narcissists intentionally distort reality to confuse victims and evade accountability. Gaslighting makes victims constantly second-guess themselves and their judgment. Examples of gaslighting include blatant lying, denying past events, altering details, staging fits of anger. Victims are left off-kilter and psychologically disoriented.
2. Idealize, Devalue, Discard Cycle
At the start, narcissists put partners on a pedestal with excessive praise and attention. Once they have hooked the partner emotionally, they gradually begin criticizing, belittling, and controlling. Victims are discarded when the narcissist has fully eroded their confidence. The cycle then restarts with a new partner.
3. Triangulation
To manufacture jealousy, drama, and insecurity, narcissists pit people against each other. They may compare partners, stir up family feuds, or twist facts to breed resentment. Victims compete for the narcissist’s fluctuating approval.
4. Projection
Narcissists deflect blame and accountability by projecting their destructive behaviors onto others. For example, a narcissist who is unfaithful may accuse their partner of cheating.
5. Silent Treatment
Withholding communication is a go-to narcissistic punishment. Narcissists give partners the cold shoulder for days after minor infractions to breed anxiety and obedience. They reestablish contact once the victim is sufficiently distraught.
6. Smear Campaigns
Narcissists control how others perceive them by launching smear campaigns against victims. They manipulate the narrative by lying, exaggerating flaws, and spreading malicious gossip to garner sympathy and turn people against their partner.
7. Coercive Control
Narcissists slowly gain control by isolating victims from friends/family, monitoring movements, restricting access to money, and making unilateral decisions. Victims become dependent as their freedom is continually extinguished.
8. Rages
Narcissists react with frightening rages to minor criticisms which they view as threats to their inflated, yet fragile egos. Their screaming, threats, reckless behavior, or physical aggression during these fits is intended to demand obedience.
Signs You May Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
- Constant feelings of walking on eggshells
- Diminished self-worth and frequent self-doubt
- Depression, anxiety, emotional numbness
- Isolation from friends and family
- Fear of triggering partner’s anger, disappointment, or abandonment
- Hypervigilance about pleasing and catering to partner’s needs
- Questioning your own instincts, memories, and perceptions
- Hiding signs of abuse due to denial or shame
What is Narcissistic Abuse? – FAQs
Why do narcissists abuse?
Narcissists lack empathy and exploit others to fulfill feelings of superiority and power. Control tactics keep victims dependent on them. Abuse roots from their profound yet fragile sense of entitlement and ego.
What are the long term effects of narcissistic abuse?
Chronic narcissistic abuse can result in C-PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm tendencies, trust issues, codependency, damaged self-image. Without intervention, victims internalize the narcissist’s criticisms.
How do you know you are being emotionally abused?
Signs may include constantly feeling on edge/walking on eggshells, being made to feel stupid, crazy or inadequate by your partner, extreme jealousy or attempts to isolate you, rages or threats in response to boundaries.
Why do narcissists cry?
Crying is often deliberate manipulation to avoid accountability or get sympathy. Crocodile tears shift blame to their hurt partner and provide cover stories. Genuine remorse is rare for narcissists.
What happens when you ignore a narcissist who dumped you?
Ignoring them causes narcissistic injury to their ego. They may hoover to re-idealize you. Staying detached and indifferent robs them of power. Silence provokes narcissists who expect attention and drama.
Why is it so hard to leave a narcissist?
Reasons it’s difficult to leave include trauma bonding, fear the abuse will get worse, threats regarding custody, financial dependence, isolation from support systems, no one believing the abuse due to the narcissist’s public charm.
In Conclusion
Recognizing narcissistic abuse patterns is challenging but critically important. Abusive behaviors are often insidious – deliberately crafted to chip away at a victim’s self-esteem through gaslighting, put-downs, and control. But awareness of these tactics is the first step toward breaking free and reclaiming your self-worth. There are brighter days ahead.